5 things I would tell myself as a child and 3 phrases you may have heard that are harmful.

There are two parts to this short post. The first, 5 things I would go back and tell myself as child is a good practice to get into. I recommend trying it if you do not already do this. In my coaching programs, I guide clients in connecting with that inner child and giving them what they needed. While that work goes deeper, journaling it is a great place to start! 

5 things I would go (and have gone) back to tell myself as a child.
 
1. You are whole just as you are. You are a mind, body and soul working in harmony to feel all emotions, endless love and joy. You do not need to “find yourself”. You are already right here. You do not need to find someone else to complete you. You are complete. You do not need to strive for perfection. There is no perfection. There is only wholeness and you already are.
 
2. You belong in the right spaces for YOU. You do not need to try and fit yourself into some archetype or false version of yourself to “belong”. If you do not feel fully safe or able to be YOU, that space does not have to be yours. You can find your people. You will find the spaces where you feel most alive, where you are wholly and completely yourself, fully expressed in every way, safe and loved.
 
3. You can be whatever you want to be. You do not have to fit in a box. You are unique and that uniqueness is loved and accepted. You will uncover what your passions are and you will follow those passions and create a beautiful and successful life doing what you love. You do not have to listen to what others feel you “SHOULD” do. You can follow your own heart. What is good for others may not be good for YOU.
 
4. You deserve LOVE. Unconditional Love. You are worthy of love. You ARE LOVE. You are worthy of loving yourself. It is okay to waver from this at times but you can remember to bring yourself back to love. It is not wrong to love yourself, to put yourself first.
 
5. Other people’s pain is not your pain. You may be hurt by other’s words or actions. That is not justified and you are valid to feel whatever arises when that happens. Remember that it is about them and not YOU. YOU are not at fault. YOU are not deserving of that pain.    

On the topic of saying things to your inner child, I wanted to also highlight some things you may have heard as a child that may have had an impact on you to this day. Not every phrase said to a child will form a strong imprint but many do. 

3 Phrases that can be harmful, that many of us heard as children.
 
1. What do you think you’re special?” We are all special. We are all unique and that is the beauty of us. Implying to a child that they are not special can make them believe they have to be just like every other person, rejecting their true self, their uniqueness. Pushing our true selves away has an impact on how we show up in the world and how we feel in our own skin.

2. “Children should be seen and not heard.” I remember hearing this a lot from many different people. People may argue that this teaches kids respect and to not be “in adult conversations”. What this phrase does teach is that children don’t deserve to have a voice, that their thoughts and opinions do not matter. This sticks with them as they grow and they may be unable to use their voice to speak up for themselves and their needs, to speak up for others in need, to express themselves even (and many times, especially) to those closest. It also shows up when a child or adult is/has experienced abuse or other harmful behaviors or actions. They may not speak up or tell anyone. (Of course, there is more to not speaking up here as well but it’s a piece.)
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Children actually have wonderful thoughts and opinions that we can learn from and we should encourage that.

3. “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” If you heard this phrase, you probably heard it a lot and still do to this day. It makes us believe that money is scarce. It creates a lack mindset. It separates us from the truth, that money is infinite and always available. We have been made to believe that it is finite. We have been made to believe that there is not enough for everyone. But, when we step back and think about that, we see it is not the truth. If it were, no one would be super rich. This phrase leads to struggling financially, to not seeing that we can have as much abundance as we want and need. It can lead to living in a place of “not enough” or “just enough”. 

Some journal prompts:
​What would you go back and tell your younger self? Have you said these things to your inner child? What comes up and how does it feel to do so?

Do any of these phrases sound familiar? Are there others that you feel impacted you? How?

I'd love to hear from you in my group. I will be doing a series to share more phrases like this and the impact they can have. 
Join us at The Soul Healing Sisterhood.